I am NOT the biggest loser.

Tonight was the last night of  our biggest loser challenge in town. Although I was not the winner (rant on that later) I did do great. I lost a total of 20.2 lbs and 19.5 inches. The areas measured and how much I lost on each:

UPPER CHEST -2

CHEST-4.75

WAIST-4.25

HIPS-5.25

R. THIGH  +1.5 (MUST BE ALL THOSE SQUATS)

L.THIGH-.75

R.ARM-2

L.ARM-1

NOW HERE IS MY RANT. I was overall very happy with the challenge and I am thankful to the women who organized it. I know how hard it is to organize something and it is impossible to please everyone.The weekly winners went by who lost the most lbs that week. but the over all winners at the end went not on who lost the highest % of their weight but who’s BMI went down the most. The problem with this is that the winner started off at 160 lbs and even though lost 12 lbs during the challenge her BMI went down by 10. I lost 20.2 lbs and over 2x the inches as her yet my BMI only went down by 1.83. Now I am not trying to be a sore loser , I wouldn’t have won it not matter how they calculated it but I think it would have seemed more fair to go on the % of weight you lost instead.  Just my opinion.

I have kept my weight a secret mostly because I have not felt ready to “own” that # yet . When talking to a friend tonight she asked me why. HOnestly because I am embarrassed  of how high I had allowed myself to get. She told me that was nothing to be embarrassed about but I could use that number to be proud of how far I have come.The thing is , I care what people think too much.  . And my fear is that people would talk about my weight behind my back or among themselves and I would be hurt over that. On the same hand I feel like it is a step I need to be willing to take before I can be free from it and move forward.I talked to John about it an he says that one day I will just be ready to share it.I imagine that day will be soon.

My 90lb gone .

90lbs gone

Here is my new picture. Not the best quality since John was being silly taking it .

90 lbs GONE !!!!!!!!!!

I was so excited to step on the scale this morning and see that I had hit 90 lbs gone. My 100 lbs gone is getting closer and closer and I am so happy. First I will just enjoy having 90 gone and will wait to celebrate 100 when I get there. I think the biggest help this week is my green tea. I have not had any coffee since sunday morning. I am not a huge coffee drinker. I drink 1 travel mug in the morning and that is all. This week I have been drinking  3 travel mugs of green tea (plus my water) every day and I think it has helped. I am sure swimming 3x this week didn’t hurt either.

One more week to go.

Next week is the last night of my weigh in challenge in town here. I am happy. I really am just not into it. I think I am just content with my rate of weight loss and happy with what I am doing.This week I have gone swimming twice , did the treadmill twice , went to curves and did a work out dvd.It is about a life I can LIVE with. I need to still enjoy what I am doing and what I am eating.Going up and down the waterslides with the kids was the best feeling. I have missed it for so long.I was down 3.4 lbs this week which amazed me. I am so close to that hundred I can taste it .  As of this morning I am down 88lbs. John told me the other day that he doesn’t recognize me sometimes. When I run into a store and he waits in the vehical he says he usually doesn’t recognize me when I come out. He’s so sweet lol.For the past few nights I had been complaining of how freezing cold I was when I got into bed , so last night I went into our room and he was laying on MY side of the bed. I said “UM WHAT are you doing on my side ? ” he replied ” I was warming it up for you ” He may not be a real romantic , no rose petals and candles, but he shows it in his own way.

The kids and I went to the Opera today. I had a great time ! They  liked it but not like I did.We have been out and about every day this week. Not alot of school at home has been done but alot of learning has gone on. When we first sat down in our seats today the director came up to me and told me that us homeschoolers know how to get great seats  and then said he was blown away that there were 380 homeschoolers there today. I was AMAZED. When I hear people talk about “socialization” I think of the last 4 with my kids and all the things we have done: swimming 2x , music lessons , sports class ,children’s church and opera.Now I am off to make hamburgers and deep fried home fries. YUM YUM . I will enjoy every single calorie !

100

I tried to think of something exciting to write for my 100th post and had a few ideas I tossed around. THEN I had an email from our oldest daughter with a video of her singing a song to us called “first time I saw you cry”  I am not going to share that since it is private and written about the night she left and the emotions of that. However I do want to share a song that I listen to often when my heart is still breaking  

#99

WOW I can not believe I am almost at 100 posts. Took me long enough. I am going to have to think of something great for #100. Until then I might just have to add on to this post when I have something new to say.I have finally taken the plunge  and have decided to do a 5k walk/run. I know 5 k is not real long (only 3.1 miles) but the 10k is a run ONLY and I am not ready for that. My mom is going to come and do it with me and if anyone else would like to come along we would be happy to have you. THis one is on May 9th which is Mother’s day. Fitting because it is in support of our Childrens Hospital .They are looking at buying some heart monitoring equipment .I have been kind of keeping my eyes open looking for a 5k to do this year and I never had a certain charity in mind it is mostly just for ME to do it. I didn’t like some that I found because you had a minimum you needed to raise and it was quite high. I do plan on seeing if I can get some pledges but I don’t like the idea of  ”having” to reach a certain amount.So this morning started day one of training. I did 30 mins on the treadmill going 2 mins walk 1 min run the whole time. Right now it takes me 20 mins to go 1 mile but I am hoping to lower that by May. I am also hoping that this will give me the added push to keep on going in my plan for a new life. 1 yr ago  and 85lbs heavier I would have never dreamed to doing this. Now I am not only wanting to do this but wishing the 10k was a walk/run too.I am not yet sure if the kids are going to do it with me or not. It is open to all ages  , you can push a stroller  , have a family team , school team etc. I know I would have to go slower with the kids and part of me wants to really push to see how well I could actually do. On the other hand it would be a GREAT thing to do with my kids .I don’t have to make that decision for a few more months.

I hate thinking of titles

Really ! I find that the worst part of blogging. I am not creative in that way and can never think of a good play on words. I think I should just start leaving my titles blank. Or maybe just label them A , B , C etc. I didn’t make it to my weight loss challenge weigh in last night but they did allow me to weigh in before hand and I am down another 2 pounds.YAY!!!! Better than nothing. I try to remember that this is a healthy amount for me to lose. It feels discouraging because many of the ladies have lost ALOT more than I have but I know that my body goes through it’s ups and downs and 85 pounds into it  I am not going to have the same losses as them.This makes 10 pounds this month and that is a really great number. (and I need to keep telling myself that)Heck if I can keep losing 10 lbs a month I will be at my goal by summer.

Which leads me to another topic BATHING SUITS . ARGH. I have spent the past 2 days looking for a bathing suit that I like and have found NOTHING!!!!!!! I have hated every single one that I tried on. I actually feel like I looked better in one 85 lbs ago than now. I just wanted to find a cheap on that I could even throw a T-shirt on over top to get me through until summer when I would buy a better one hopefully a few sizes smaller. There was nothing cheap and there was not even any that were more expensive  that I would 1 )wear in public  2) feel comfortable in 3) actually  fit all over.I was hoping to take the kids swimming right away but might have to hold off alittle longer.

In the past few weeks I have emailed a few different companies asking for information whether they have sulphites added into their products. There is a real labeling problem when it comes to this which makes it very hard to be certain whether something is safe or not. They don’t label  a bag of frozen french fries as having sulphites but they do. They are all coated with them so they won’t turn brown. Anyways I have never ever had a response back from any of these BIG companies . I mean why have contact information on your web site if you are not willing to reply back. On tuesday I decided to contact Kettle Brand chips and the very next day I had a response. I was very excited to hear that they DO NOT put sulphites on their potatoes. I explained that although they say on their lable *nothing artificial * NO preservatives  etc. I wanted their  reassurance that this was the case because most chip companies do not  disclose the fact that their chips contain sulphites  on the ingredient list .Now yes I really don’t need to eat potato chips but I wanted a choice for a special treat. I mean I have to actually live this life too and it is a really hard allergy to have. It made me so very happy to finally have someone  respond to my question.So I went out last night and bought a bag to sit in my cupboard  for when the time comes that I am ready to have a treat. You know like a lose a pound and eat a bag of chips as your reward LOL.

Another one bites the dust.

My title could mean alot of things . It could be because today is friday and another work week has gone by. It could be because I just finished season 3 of LOST and I am ready for season 4 tonight. Or it could really be because I was down another pound at my stupid weigh in this week. I really am excited that it is friday. I love having John home for the weekend , I love the fact that I don’t have to do school with the kids in the morning . I love having friday as family night , the kids get to stay up late on fridays, we veg out together maybe play a game or something.It just seems like a night to de-stress. I also am very excited about starting the next season of LOST. WE have become addicted and are averaging about 1 season per week. Drive by our house around 8 most nights and you would think no one was here. John and I are in bed watching it the moment the kids are tucked in.I am happy I was down a pound at the weigh in and didn’t  go up on the scale. You never know how the scale will go when you weigh in at night after a day of eating and drinking.Maybe I should take a laxative the night before LOL.I am also feeling alot better than I was in my last post. I have since done the workout a couple of times and have not suffered the same way. I am making sure to really stretch good afterwards. As much as it seemed like a really hard week this week with me being a little emotional and irrational it has ended on a good note and I am happy that another week has gone by.

I wrote out a new list of goals for this up coming year and I think they are mostly pretty do-able. :

Hit my 100 pounds lost

Lose 57  pounds by Christmas to reach my goal (  49 more weeks or so  I need to try for just over 1 lb a week)

Run for 15 mins straight at  4 mph (right now I do 6 mins at 3.5)

Go tubing behind the boat (I always just watch , didn’t want to have to try and climb back in when I wiped out)

Go  downhill skiing

Take one session of aquasizes (sp?)

DO some sort of  exercise with the kids 4-5 times a week. (might just be walking to the mail box but something)

Do a 5k walk  - I don’t have a particular charity in mind I just want to do it (Miss T is coming with me RIGHT?)

Those are my physical goals for this year. I have alot I would like to change /accomplish  emotionally and spiritually but those  ones aren’t for sharing .

Butt Kicking!

So I had a great idea yesterday that I would do a sculpting workout with Jillian from the Biggest  Loser.I felt pretty good doing it and felt great afterwards. I even got on the treadmill and did 30 mins of hills when I was done.I felt great last night but when I woke up I was in so much pain. After doing so many types of lunges and alot of squats my thighs and rear end are killing me. It hurts to walk , it hurts to sit  , it hurt to get into the tub and still hurt getting out.I can not believe how sore I am . I mean it is not like I haven’t exercised quite a bit in the past few months.  I had to take Makenna to the DR. this am and I decided to walk up the stairs instead of taking the elevator  thinking maybe it would loosen me up . HAHAHA! Boy was I wrong. My doctor even had a little chuckle at me before telling me he had started working out last night and he was feeling quite sore also.It was nice having him tell me that I have done amazing .I think I will wait until thursday to have another visit with Jillian.I don’t expect to have very good results at my weight in tomorrow. I have found a new love in home-made  salt and pepper chicken wings and ate then twice this weekend.There are really good with deep fried home fries: )

For the past 3 weeks or so Makenna has complained that her throat hurts. Now I didn’t run to the doctor right away because 1)she mostly complained when it was time for her to do something she didn’t like 2)alot of people have sore throats etc at this time of year and she didn’t have a fever or anything else with it. I did finally make an appt and took her in today.Her throat looks fine but He said her glands are very swollen. He checked under her armpits too but I don’t remember him telling me if they were swollen also. So she is on some  antibiotics  and he sent her for some blood tests to try and figure out what is going on.Hopefully it is nothing and she will feel better  soon.

Hair Happenings

Well I finally went in and got a hair cut. I have avoided it for a while because I find it hard to sit in the salon. I have a chemical sensitivity and the smells and chemicals from hair products are pretty awful for me. I miss going and getting my hair dyed and highlighted professionally but I do what I have to. In november I found some natural henna for colouring your hair and I don’t mind it. You just mix it with boiling water or coffee in my case and although my hair smells like tea leaves for a few days it is better than all the grey. Anyways I have been frustrated with my hair for a while and finally went in yesterday to do something about it. I had a man cut my hair for the first time and I really liked him. I washed it and let it dry naturally before going in so that he could see the way it “really” looks. I told him I wanted something easy for everyday  and that I could not use a bunch of styling products in it. He said my hair had really good body , and the natural curl was nice  I just needed some shape to it. When it was done he just  used the dryer , no brush , no flatiron , just his hands and the dryer.John hates that they would always straighten my hair when I would get it cut. I am tired of fighting the curls , it is just who I am. So here is the new cut. Not the best picture since I went shopping and got groceries after he did it.

I have decided that my scale hates me. Oh sure it was kind this week and I am down another 2 lbs to make it 83 gone so far  but it still hates me. THis morning I pushed on it to get it started (it’s digital) and it says ERR , I do it again and again but all it says is ERR. Braden pushes it and it goes to 0.0 and he weighs himself . I try again all I get is ERR. John does it and it works and he weighs himself . I try it again. NOPE  all I get is ERR. I could not believe it . I mean I thought we were friends